when a book debut tastes bittersweet
Yesterday my new book, The Love Diet, hit the shelves. Normally, a book release is a beautiful thing. But not so when your co-author has been incarcerated. (The LA Times blog did a wonderful job of summing it up. You can read their interpretation here.)
The first copies of the book arrived on my doorstep last Thursday, just in time for a private book release party in my Los Angeles test kitchen. We chose to hold the party on schedule despite the fact that my co-author, Juan-Carlos Cruz sat in the Los Angeles men’s central prison held on $2,000,000 bail.
The party was lovely, thanks to my friends Annette and Anne who prepared enough food for an army from recipes in the book. (I actually stuck them with the work of not 2 cooks but 5(!) because I had broken my foot and could barely lurch my way around the kitchen and the two culinary students I’d booked for the event to assist were no-shows.)
I am proud to say I only cried once, although I waited until the last minute to put on mascara because I found myself feeling weepy in the hours leading up to the big event. As I put on my little, red, Calvin Klein dress I remembered trying it on in the store two months ago thinking how perfect it will look not only with my coloring but standing beside Juan-Carlos’ white linen suit.
(I was also feeling the disappointment of having to lug around a clunky medical boot on my left foot instead of the saucy stilettos I’d paired with my dress. Not only did I have to lurch in my none too sexy footwear but I knew I was also inviting the unwanted attention of having to explain that I klutzed myself into a broken foot by stubbing my toe on a chair. Yes, I am vain and clumsy.)
As the guests arrived, I laced the boot with red turkey feathers in a ditch effort to make myself feel a little Love Diet lovely and they did add a little much-needed charm to my mood and my ensemble.
The evening, of course, invited the series of awkward questions to which I’m becoming accustomed. I get it. I would be dying to get the skinny if a friend or colleague was in my situation. The whole Juan-Carlos scandal is unbelievable. You can read the most extensive commentary at TMZ if you’ve been living in a blissfully gossip free world since May 13.
As you may have noticed, my blog has remained conspicuously un-updated in the past few weeks because my recent experiences have been more than a little difficult to share with my readers.
Many of you have reached out to me to lend your support and I so much appreciate you. I especially appreciate the fact that those of you who caught me on the Today Show chose to compliment me on my new hairdo rather than ask questions about my near-melt down on live television. (The dress I wore on the morning show, since many of you asked, was actually my great aunt’s and was, indeed, a vintage number.)
Once I recovered from the initial shock of learning of JC’s arrest (I was notified long before the mainstream media picked up the story), I became consumed by the public interest in the scandal. I am still baffled as to why people were so fascinated by what became the number one celebrity scandal in the country(!) for a brief time. I was hounded by the media for about ten days.
It was difficult for me to make the decision to speak to the media. After about three days of saying no, I finally agreed to speak with Nightline. I felt comfortable with the show’s integrity and their plans for how they would present the story. Then, when I was asked to do the Today Show before Nightline aired, I realized that I wanted to speak out to mainstream America and ask them not to dismiss my friend and celebrity chef as a closet psychopath.
I was grateful that Today was going to give me the opportunity to help humanize JC and talk about his talent, his giving nature and his apparent happiness with his present and future. I’m not going to deny it, I was also going on that show to help save The Love Diet, whose imminent release was becoming overshadowed by an ugly scandal. Not only was I the book’s co-author but also the publisher. So yes, I wasn’t going on the show just for JC but also for both my own peace of mind and, frankly, to help protect my investment. (Keep in mind that JC benefits nearly as much as I will from book sales, so as far as the financial reasons for going on the show went, that was for us both.)
After the two shows I also agreed to an interview with the AP in which I had the opportunity to explain why I thought the whole story was insane by sharing what I know of JC’s relationship with his wife Jennifer. Juan-Carlos has been my friend for almost six years. I do not really know Jennifer–we only met in person one time. But I do know her in that way you know friend’s spouses and was so glad to have the chance to tell the AP reporter how lovingly they acted as a couple, how dependent on one another and how secure they were together.
I thought perhaps a few media outlets that had been covering the story closely, like TMZ and the Huffington Post might pick up bits of my AP interview. But I was shocked and appalled to wake up the next morning to see quotes from the story printed in nearly every major newspaper in the country from the Boston Globe to Washington Post to the LA Times blog. How could the nation care that much about my interpretation of my friend’s horrendous situation?
This brush with fame has been a freakish and soul-draining experience. The worst part is knowing that through it all, my friend and colleague sits in jail while I rest in the comfort of my home office allowing the media to use my perspective to make sense of this crazy, alleged crime. The guilt of throwing a party without him threatened to overtake my pleasure in the experience but my core needed to toast our hard work with our friends, colleagues and a glass of Champagne Perrier Jouet.
I haven’t yet visited Juan-Carlos in lockup. I did arrange to have money put on my phone so that he could call me, though I haven’t heard from him yet. I plan to visit him this Friday but don’t be surprised if I don’t blog on the experience. Although I did allow the media into my life for a short time, I still believe that some moments should be kept private.