Are We Faking It?
In the world that is food, “experimentation” has been cast as a trend for 2010. Broad, been used, but I like it. Hopefully, experimentation will play a dramatic role in my 2010 sex life. And I’ll play the broad, being used, and I’ll like it.
Procreating are new ideas. Casual fusion, food trucks, and the lovechild of the cup and the cake will most likely still be birthed, baked, and sprinkled. But we’re not coming up with all the right things, and America’s food outlook projects several contradictions. So far, KFC’s Double Down has proposed a solution to the current obesity crisis, food labels may turn into traffic signs (curves ahead), and apparently The McGangBanger is available upon request at your local McDonalds. And, also, what we’ve all been waiting for, we can eat Booger flavored ice cream and then Twitter about it.
The general public is also still broke, still bored, still hungry, and will welcome the promiscuousness of Food2010. Our beer is getting warm, the condensation beads of hope have dissipated, and now, we’re sloppy drunk and ready for action.
Well, then thank god the Orgasm For The Mouth has been invented! Best food trend ever!
Attention: We can mix orgasms with food….at the same time. Yippe!
How’s that for being bored?
The Orgasm For The Mouth is not some sick foreplay invention created by molecular gastronomists and porn stars. I only wish. Mixologists, chefs, and normal people just like yourself are experimenting behind the bar, in the kitchen, and in their tasting holes with an intensely flavored flower called the Szesuan Button. The plant’s bud is supposed to produce an electric feeling once in the mouth.
Apparently, the flower contains an agent that tingles your tongue and makes you salivate. Hmmm, sound familiar?
These flowers, also called sansho buttons and electric buttons, are native to Brazil and are buds of a smallish, erect plant. Hm. Sound familiar?
Ferran Adrià, the famed chef of El Bulli, created a dish he called “Electric Milk” using the buttons. Electric Milk. Sound familiar?
Forget eating aphrodesiacs, why don’t we just put the orgasm straight in to your mouth?
Will it be like the slow tug of your bottom lip by your young lover? Or maybe like that old Pop Rocks trick (you know the one)?
My guess is that it will be like biting your cheek by accident, over, and over, again. Ah, yes, my glass is half empty. It’s only that Living in the Land of Plenty, I believe we could possibly abuse this Szesuan Button, or, rather, the stimulatory response of which it represents. Just like we abused the “convenience” of fast food. Cheap thrills are gateway drugs to cheap food. For my fellow hedonists, these types of discoveries (for instance, cupcake flavored Fruity Pebbles, or the charming creation of the Canwich) could be like the next Kombucha for alcoholics. Yes, I know it’s just a funny little flower bud. Flower Power. Excuse me, did you say you wanted your soup mild, spicy, or orgasmic?
But, really, what is food and where do we draw the line?
Most Americans aren’t food-educated enough to decipher this opaque “creativity” yet, and will most likely assume these foods are reality, a necessity. Or maybe we are in the process of creating a new Food Reality, and a contemporary candy colored culture will emerge. One that talks about orgasms but never has them, eats food either labeled as green (eat me), yellow (hmm, well, maybe, are you sure?) or red (stop you’re fat), and one that eats the good-for-us oily fish full of Omega BPs grilled (drilled) and put on a salad dressed with some extra virgin British Petroleum. Sure, its fine.